5年来的句点

我一直认为毕业只是一道人生的路程。

5年来的教诲都铭记在心，虽然还怀着一些老师的气，但是我毕竟都要在这几年相处之后慢慢离开他们的生活。

毕业对我来说不沉重。怎么看都好，人生总要面对离别、面对悲伤、面对不会来的再见。

可是，毕业却带来种种伤感。对于5年来，在校园里发生的趣事不多不少，伤心的事和少女幻想也如此。

无论如何，我要对伤过我的、喜欢过我的、说好成为永远的朋友的、说好一起走的、还在陪伴着我的、合作过的、看低我的、拒绝过我的、把我当成玩笑的、恨我的、还在喜欢我的、曾经暗恋过的、 还珍惜我的人说：谢谢你们曾经在彼此的生活中放弃/拒绝/接受/喜欢/陪伴/指导。没有你们，我何以经历那么多、学习那么多呢？ 你们为我做出的一举一动，我都接受，因为这样，我还记得你。希望你也能在茫茫的人海中，记得那个我。

和朋友们就那么道别走了、和老师们就那么鞠躬道谢、对5年的中学生涯就那么挥手离开。

已毕业，泪满襟。

其实也没什么

一个人经历悲伤的事情都会哭。我偏偏不会, 就觉得为什么我就是那个奇怪人。

一天我真的爆发了, 十几年爸妈都一直在吵架。闹过离婚, 闹过移居。 对我这位混血女来说, 这什么吵架的闹了移居, 是100% 伤到我的心。混血儿完全不知道自己的根在哪, 难道我要住在街边? 小时候他们吵什么, 我都听得懂, 也了解它的后果, 一进房就默默地哭。长大了懂事了, 100% 不用想那么多, 一定是反驳, 心里也怀疑他们是不是真的要做一对夫妇, 心里觉得很痛。 但是都大概哭的麻木了, 完全是没有表情, 在脑中最阴影的部分想放弃这个生活, 不想再活了。

可是我不是一个很会做傻事的人。被开导, 被说服, 被我坚持自己的生活, 爸妈不知道我向老师要求给我辅导; 爸妈不知道我应为他们的事情, 让我在我的好朋友面前痛苦; 爸妈不知我担心婆婆爷爷的心情。没有人知道一切, 因为我觉得这是我想承受的负担, 是我自己赚来的苦。我不能把事情推去别人的身上了。

What do you consider?

If anything, there is always something that is important to someone.
For me, everything is important, if I deny, you know I'm only joking about it :v

I firstly consider myself important, this may sound a little self-centered but I'm talking about my health and well being.

I only find health important right after I had my surgery, I always thought I was strong enough to endure everything but I guess this proves me wrong. Later I also found out that every generation in my family holds a cancer history. As I am a mix blooded, it is pretty gard to determine if I have the risk but I am really afraid.

My family is also important because they are the first people ever to accept me whether I am good or bad. I don't like the thought of me losing my family, I think I would cry for days if it ever happen.

Friends are essential when you are out from the house, your ultimate comfort zone. Seriously, loyal friends are more important than those you just call friends just because you know them by their names only. After being betrayed by someone, I realized that I don't wver want my friends to do that to me so I kept my distance with most of the people. I treasured trye friends instead, those who care, those who knew, those who understand. They are people you can trust because they know what you are like.

Trust and loyalty are also important. Without them, I don't think that anyone is worthy to rely on. Without loyalty, everyone will leave you without a sound, leave you alone in a dark corner.

This are what I consider important. So what is important to you?

MGSRI Trip 2015

This was my first ever trip and it is a rush because after exam, there is teacher's BBQ party with Christian Union members (I'm just teacher's tuition student though). It was seriously a fun day being with the Fighters and my fellow girl friends~

The next day, it's trip time! I was like the 5th person to arrive? Idk but it was sooo early. And then everyone arrived (nothing happened along the way haha), sat in the bus and I looked out for almost a few times because I like to look outside as I'm sitting beside the window wheeeee

The first stop was Bukit Tinggi, I went there before and I have no interest in it except for the Tea Village that I couldn't go, EVERY TIME zzzz. I actually had fun because we went together so there were so much more laughter than before. We enjoyed the breeze at the top of the tower, it was sooo cold but I love it because the air was fresh and I can see the golf course from afar haha. I even saw a very deformed Hello Kitty mascot and I never wanted to give it a second glance.

Next we went to see elephants and other animals that I don't remember, pardon my memory. Elephants were nothing, I saw them like a lot of times soooo yeah it was nothing, I even ride them before myself xD but I love looking at other animals and feeding the deers, THEY ARE SO KAWAII but I didn't say that out loud.

We went from Bentong to Lanchang and next to Temerloh which is where our homestay is and Li xuan's hometown xD
The homestay wasn't that bad but the phone signal is as we are like in the outskirts of town. To be honest, I literally came here alone so I got shy and asked if I could join my friends to share a room. It was actually 3 persons in a room but we need to give in our 2 rooms to our teachers. Our room finally accomodates 8 people, two beds and one mattress, it wasn't that bad because it was only for a night haha.

The next day we literally just wash up and head to a water park at Bukit Gambang, Kuantan. I couldn't play in the water 24/7  because to be honest, I am scared of water, and it did really happen for a few seconds! I felt like I was washed away literally (sorry for being short and can't swim lol) man, I didn't know what ride was that but I neither love it nor hate it. I got really dizzy and wasn't in the right mind for anything. I ended up skipping a ride, which looks awesome but I just can't take another step. I changed out to my normal clothes earlier than everyone and rotted at the canteen.

After that we head to Sungai Lembing, I knew the road because I came here many times (Pahang is my hometown after all!) We unpacked at the Time Capsule homestay, got lectured by teacher and ate steamboat for our dinner. I didn't feel that well so I did not attend the campfire sharing night. To tell you the truth, I felt bad as I was actually a part of the group but I did not join. The next day we head to Rainbow Waterfalls. You know, I woke up just in time to gather. I also received sort of a get well letter and it made my day, practically grinning for 5 minutes in the jeep.

I love sitting in the jeep, the breeze and the sound and the smell of the village made me think of my hometown very much. We ate our breakfast at the town food court, I didn't have an appetite and just ate a few bites (I felt bad for the noodles now). We head up the hill to look at the sunrise, but to my expectations, we did not see anything except a few lining of orange light. A few minutes up the hill again, we saw the bright sun and we head up once more to flat ground.

It was a veryyyyyy long way up to the start of our Rainbow Waterfall trekking. The river seperating both places have a very strong current so we literally hald the rope as if its our life is on the line. A few people got their slippers washed away while crossing. And then there is a very long way up to meet that holy waterfall, goodness it was a long path. Finally reached the waterfall and it was freaking cold like goshh I can't stand. I sat on a rock for around 20 minutes and got my butt hurt after that haha. We also slurpped on to hot noodles and hot milo in prior to the very cold weather.
And then after half an hour or so we went down and finally went back to our accomodation.

After washing and checking out, we went to a village at Sg Lembing for their local products while enjoying the ups and downs of the hanging bridge. Man, I did think I'm going to fall over if they did it violently. Then after that it is practically bus time and I kept on laughing and sharing with my friend as we only sat next to each other. The night sky was brilliant as always.

And so it ends, although I was quiet for the whole trip but I seriously enjoy as it was the hard work that the organisers put in. Never a chance like this will come again so now I can only think back and relish the moments I had been through and always keep the good ones with me.

PEACE OUT PEOPLE

To part, to stay

Now this is one complicated title (my stomach is complicated for few hours now I don't know ehat to do ;w;)

Now, do I rather not have that one thing right here right now or cherish that one thing I will lose later first then have it disappear the next? This is one thing that is hard for me to choose because I am that kind of person who experienced and done both.

To be honest, I rather have it now and then part later. This is a very tough decision and experience because that one thing might mean alot to you later, when you need to part with it, it is going to take a long time getting use, you might even throw tantrums and complaints. I did that everytime, it was always the thing that stamps in deeply in my memories and I can never forget it as it was the decision that I made to myself.

Well if I decided to not have it at all, maybe I won't actually have to suffer so much and remembering things too much.  One thing about letting go everything that you will come to lose it soon is that sometimes, you never even will regret your choices, but sometimes you will wonder why didn't you try to know what it feels like before you judge that it won't do any good to you.

My opinion: no matter you choose to have it then part with it OR abandon your thoughts in the first place, it won't have a good impact to you but it will serve either as a life lesson or a memory.

Night Sky

I can't remember the time when I started to like staring at the night sky. Maybe when I was little?

I slept in the master bedroom since young so when I can't fall asleep, I always wake up and stare out the window.

There was once when I went back to the Philippines, my hometown, and I was playing with my friends. It was December so it was realllllly cold at night, I froze and my tooth hurts so I sat down and the stairs looking up to the sky. That was when I realize that the night sky is full of stars. I really love how you can see a cluster of stars gathering at night.

I started liking eating out at night especially in the open air because I can see the moon and sometimes I see the clouds at night too. I also like to travel at night but when I sit the night flight to somewhere else, I definitely will look out crying over something else dumb haha(you shall find me sitting beside the window if nothing else happens). I still remember that I brought my diary to write in the airplane, I really did write two entries but that is just enough xD

Then, I started to loke going back at night, I even requsted my dad to drive us back at night for the scenery. I like it so much that I would listen to songs while looking outside.

To me, morning is cheerful and as bright as the sun, but I am not the kind to be overly active at the day because it is just too tiring (gosh I sound like an nocturnal animal hahah)

If you see me enjoying the night sky, just join me and don't make a sound. This is how I express my love for the night sky~

2014, YAY or NAY? Ermmmmm...

This is my second time typing because I don't have my computer and I'm using my phone.

Sooo.. 2014 is the start of something new and something different (this is not what I had just type for the first time but oh well *shrugs*). I can't quite remember if I was enthusiastic on welcoming the new year or not but all I know is that I will be accepting the reality of having new friendship, broken friendship and life changing events. Well, it happened!

So the first day sent my heart palpitating like mad because I will be finally reunited with 2 of my besties, at the same time, I'm being far away from one of my closest deskmate for 3 years. I was quiet last year because I can't get used to mingle with people that I don't know their true traits, or should I say, I don't know if it is the best thing to be close to them BUTTTTTTTTT I'll just leave it here.

Since I'm like in 1st year high school? It's practically a year where you have a heck lot of responsibilities. As for me, I am particularly active in Girl Guide and Librarians. In Girl Guides, I'm a leader in a patrol group and I had to guide my members which was what I always wanted to do but I found out that it was tougher than imagined. I was always the type to follow and dream of leading, I found out that I am not cut out for leading people to tell you the truth. I ended up just nicely doing my job avoiding any possible mistakes can would happen. Mid of July, I was chosen to be the commander of our marching group for Sport's Day. Not to brag but I have the talent to command hahaha but I didn't really do well because I can't hold the team together nicely and I had to trouble my senior. Everything went well down with punishments though, but I shall let the bygones be bygones and let it be a lesson to learn.

I dont think there is much to remember again. Ohh, constant frustration over Form 4 subjects. Man, it is harder than pooping *gets slap* but seriously, they actually expected that we can learn everything at one go but sorry I am not a genius or a superhuman, I'm just merely a girl born with flesh and bones that does not look like a super intelligent robot. Enough said, I'm having SPM this year, sad truth indeed that I must be a robot.

I still remember clearly that my senior planned an early birthday surprise for me together with my closest friends behind my back haha. Man, you guys tricked me well, I really thought it was a meeting and brought my pen and notebook. It was the most wow thing I had ever receive, there is no way I will forget such a surprise from all that are involved. The next day, I met my junior, he was as bright as I don't know how to describe but his personality really kept me going. I thought he was hard to handle but I think it's just me thinking too much, I am glad to have such a great senior and junior by my side. Nothing can describe my joy of having them in my life~

You know, one of the drastic moments this year was interviews. You practically can't imagine it but it was sort of a kind betrayal. Librarian's interview was a piece of cake but I guess my introvert personality gave me away too much and I was sick that day. I had a wild dream of having the position but I guess it was actually not suit for me so even though seniors say I did have the chance but I didn't get it, I'm still happy that they did think of me, and that's all! Seriously, I don't feel the least sad or lost in hope, people deny what they don't see and 100% believe what they only see, it's human nature after all. As for the Girl Guides interview, man it was completely nerve wrecking. I had a good chance of getting a high position but I definitely did not aim for the top, it is a burden for me. During the interview, I felt like I betrayed my friends a little because I said some bad things about them. In the end, I got a super weird position - Treasurer. Wait, I see you smirking there hahaha, yup, it is weird but I still carry on my job.

So there is nothing much to remember anymore and then IT IS FINALLY ANIMANGAKI DAY. Yeaaa haha I did not cosplay no, I joined a TCG tournament for WS and I didn't win anything but it was one heck of a great experience, I'm not nervous after a few round but I felt sad when it ended. I went with many friends and came back walking from Sunway Pyramid to Subang KTM station, you don't know how terrified I am to walk beside the highway. We helped someone along the way but we missed the train by a few seconds. We laughed all the way back home though.

There is the annual Bookfest too! Man it was tons of laughter when we had Japanese food for lunch and talked about our childhood dumb stories together xD we even bought a book for my friend as her birthday present. It was literally a surprise for her haha

I watched my first horror movie on the big screen: Ju-on 3rd movie i think, i dont really care xD
Dangggg i did not have nightmares but it always give me the creeps xD and the next day was MP, really nice, I almost cried when I talk to the seniors but I didn't. Everyone enjoyed the spaghetti though xD

One day I think I went to Bukit Tinggi to watch a movie and me and my friend played a heck lot rounds of maimai, I bought cosmetics for my cosplay which we ended up laughing because of one particular face spray xD and I sang the National Anthem in the cinema like whaaaaaaaaaat whaiiiiiiiiiiii

Okay so this year I cosplayed as Gumi! Black version which NO ONE RECOGNIZES except for one dear friend of mine ;w; I had my first heavy makeup in 10 years maybe? And 3rd makeup in 2 years. I like it that I don't need to stick false lashes because I already have a long one xD I only cosplayed for the first day of Comic Fiesta Day 1. Dang, little did anyone know I got squashed by the train door. 痛いです。 Luckily no one else saw my adventures of getting squashed hahaah no. Day 2 was a simple simple day and I learned how to play WIXOSS and got a Tama PR. I walked with my friend for the whole day. Really lot of things happen but I'm too lazy to list everything out. Ohhhhh I have my first FULL OTOKO BOOSTER PACK WHEEE MY LUCK xD Please have Tokyo Ghoul series so that I can collect my otoko Kaneki Ken ;w;

I had my Sejarah Tuition class graduation ceremony with my classmates because I won't be attending regulary anymore. We celebrated with a karaoke session right after tuition class, my last year with the Fighters.

I had my first counseling session with my best friend and my teacher, I never thought that I would cry infront of someone that badly while talking. My parents also had the fight of the year, it wasn't that good for me and I have been holding back for too long.

Well, so to say, my 2014 was a mess. I don't know if it is a happy year or not I just felt like whoever was controlling my lifeline was messing things up for me, I either suffer or learn from it but I don't know. So, maybe I will just serve it as a complicated year? I just hope this year, 2015 is able to cover up the lost times I wasted. 万歳 to 2014 for letting me remember what was important and what I need to fight for.

万歳万歳 ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶